A Reflection

D.C. is taking its toll on my overall well being.
Allow me to explain.
My awareness of this fact has waxed and waned over the course of the semester based on whatever was going on at that time. Overall, I have come to terms with the fact that even though it is not over yet, I am finished with this semester.
I have learned a lot, to be sure, not only in through my internship and classes, but through the interaction I have had with people I would have never encountered otherwise, and the day to day things one encounters living in a city for the first time. This semester was a long time coming; I can still remember thinking how cool the opportunity sounded my freshmen year of college. Two and a half years later, here I sit, with just 5 weeks left, thinking the end will be bittersweet.
On the one hand, I have had more fun, both sober and otherwise, than I could have ever imagined. I am forever grateful to this program for introducing me to so many new people and forcing me to step outside my comfort zone to live with strangers. The academic portion of this semester has reaffirmed how good I really have it. Learning about the major problems facing the world and how many people out there are really suffering is a constant reminder of how blessed and fortunate my circumstances are.
Yet, here I sit, having come to the point where I am ready to move on. I do not want to wish away my remaining time here, but I know that I have lost my zest for the city and all that it encompasses. Through this reflection, I have realized that in all areas of my life, I am ready to move forward.

My headspace has never felt so crowded. There are so many things I have been thinking about lately that I can't even convey. It is frustrating, but I am going to try to get this out. For one thing, I have lost control of my eating again. I know it is repetitive on this blog, but my struggle with food is CONSTANT and a huge part of how I qualify a good or bad day, so there it is. I estimate (b/c I don't want to get on the scale) that I have gained around 10 pounds. Writing that makes me cringe. But it is true. I attribute it, for one thing, to my work. I am bored and unchallenged all day, which leads to me snacking. Moreover, I am always so hungry when I get home and too tired to go to the gym after class. It is a very sedentary semester overall. As for the weekend calories, ugh, I can't even go there. These are not excuses, rather observations, because I know very well that I control what goes into my mouth and the choice I make to go to the gym or not.

The thing is, these things make me feel awful and yet I keep doing them. It's a rut I can't seem to bust out of. There are many other facets to this as well, but I like to think of myself as a healthy person, and these are not the choices of healthy people. You have not seen all of my food choices because I have stopped being accountable to myself. I am not sure what this all means but knowing that my time here is limited has helped me acknowledge and accept where I am now.
I am very much looking forward to moving beyond this, and back to Little Rock for a short while before heading off to Strasbourg. And that is not to say there are not things I am not excited about while still in DC. I am off to London next weekend for a short getaway with my cousin, and then my best friend is coming to visit. But my time in DC seems to have just expired for now.
Whew. That was a lot. I am going out to enjoy the weather.
Until tomorrow,
~Jenn