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This is a little spot to call my own. I'm here to blog about what is on my mind and my plate! This is a place to share my journey to becoming a healthier and stronger me!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I need to vent...

Hey y'all.
I hope everyone is doing well. I have a sh!t ton of pictures to post today because I am still trying to post everything I eat. Starting with what I came home and ate after class last night...
Not great but I am not perfect and I was legitimately hungry. I am still working on scaling back my portions. It is my greatest struggle with weight loss.
Anyways, instead of dictating exactly what is in my food today, I want to do things a little differently. I want to vent. I need to get some things off my mind because I think that is what is preventing me from getting a full nights sleep. (aside from this nagging cold, gross)
So a lot of what I have been dealing with lately is getting back to the place I was before I moved to D.C. I was in a really good place and so genuinely happy with the way my life was going. I did not feel any voids. It was nice. Before I was going out to bars and clubs all the time, before classes and work consumed my entire day, and before I lost my ME time.
This is not to say that I don't absolutely adore D.C., because believe me I do, but I kind of think I lost my spark. You know, that thing that keeps you going and leaves you happy and untarnished despite what is going on around you.
As much as I still focused on what I was putting into my body (hello Trader Joe's addiction!) and working out consistently (between a gym 2 floors down and my yogadownload.com podcasts its not exactly inconvenient)I just have not been loving me too much. Something is gone.
I have had some serious adventures already, but to be honest, most of them involve drinking. I have a great time when I go out, but it feels like my life is imbalanced. I am not satisfied with the way I am acting, and although some things seem like a fine idea in the moment, I am really not proud of myself. Circumstances have definitely changed since I moved here, and I have learned a lot. I have gotten lost, and have subsequently compensated by treating my body than less respect than it deserves.
As a result, I feel bloated and overweight (despite how much clothes fit and what the scale says.) I have moved on from caring about those things and have shifted my perspective to focus on my health. This is a great change that I have made in my life, and I am very proud of how far I have come in my weight loss and confidence levels. But because of some of the choice I have made lately, I have been kind of down. This is supposed to be the best time of my life, and it will be, so long as I do not forget to take care of me first, and everyone else second. I cannot and will not try to control others or let their actions affect my happiness and well being. I can only provide for me right now, as selfish as that sounds, and I cannot be responsible for anyone else. I very much believe that what goes around comes around. And I know that I have not been respecting my body the way I should. Therefore, I completely believe that I am sick right now because my body is trying to tell me something. I cannot tell you the last time I had a sore throat, let alone a stuffy nose. I AM DONE WITH THAT NOW. I AM MOVING ON AND I WILL BE BETTER FOR THIS PERIOD IN MY LIFE.
I will still go out, and Lord knows I will keep this adventure going, but it will be more balanced from now on. I am positive of this and I am excited and motivated to get things under control. I started on Sunday, with a positive change in my eating habits in the the form of scaling back my portions.
I think getting out my real thoughts and feelings will assist this change and help me get back to normal quicker. When it comes down to it, I (and you) just need to remember some basic things about myself (yourself): WE are amazing people, with special talents that someone would be lucky to encounter. WE are strong, confident, and open minded people with passions and opinions. Such characteristics are easy to lose sight of in the face of a challenge or mishap, but they are still there, WE just need to find them again sometimes.

So if you are still with me, thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it.
If you would like to share, I would love to know what do you think YOUR best quality is?
Personally, I love my feisty personality. :)
Love,
~Jenn

2 comments:

  1. thanks for finding my blog and i read your post, all i can say is girl, hang in there it WILL get better :)

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  2. i think you've made a huge step in just coming out and saying this all to yourself :) if you're not happy then you know what you gotta do to make yourself happy! whether it be removing yourself from certain situations and what not. i was there in college unhappy with myself and the best and hardest thing i ever did was remove myself from the situation so i could find me again! keep us updated :)

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